astrid article

You must Love yourself first

Everyone was tuned in to the trial of Depp VS Heard. Regardless of the side you are on, one thing I feel we can all agree on is the fact that we can no longer live in a world where abuse in the relationship is normal. We have now grown accustomed to the physical and verbal abuse that we tend to look the other way when we see it happening right in front of us. 

The story begins the same every time. They say they love you but everyday their hands leave bruises all over your body. The screams are loud. The kids try to hug you so tears will stop rolling down your face. Every time the smallest thing triggers them. Verbal and Physical abuse fill the home. The emocial damage you are causing by allowing this type of behavior over and over. 

Now this part is for my ladies. When does it happen? I imagine we all watched the Disney Princess movies. And I will not go into detail of the topics of those movies, that’s  another conversation, but we are brought up to believe we are little princesses. We are told over and over that we are a princess allowed to do whatever we want. We are told that our “flower”  is precious and that boys better treat us like princesses to get the “flower.” Then we become of age and decide to fall in love and move in with this wonderful man. Everything is fine until one day his voice gets louder. And you let it slide. He says mean things and you let that slide too because you love him. Then after a few years it finally happens, you feel the back of his hand come across your face. When you snap back he says sorry and you let that slide. Now you dread him coming home, the kids are scared of him and the toxic energy lives around you. If we are princesses, why do we allow this behavior? Why are we not raising our little girls to be strong? Not physically strong but mentally. We raise them to be good wifes but we are failing to teach them that they must love themselves above all. We are more than just wifes and mothers. We must love ourselves. Every part of us. We must not place a man above us. Yes, in order for the relationship to work there must be love, but also respect, encouragement, support, attraction, communication and laughter. It is my belief that without these things you can not have a peaceful relationship. Allowing a man to put hands on you slowly takes the respect, love, attraction, support and communication away. Not only are you allowing this behavior to continue, you are setting an example to your children that this is acceptable and they grow up thinking that this is normal. The cycle continues. By teaching our girls that loving themselves first and setting boundaries in a relationship breaks generational curses. 

But let’s talk about our boys. We are failing them too. Are we not teaching our boys to be respectful? When did we allow chivalry to die? We are allowing our boys to continue to be boys well into adulthood by excusing their behavior. We as parents need to do a better job at teaching our boys that they must be man, a Godly man. That we must give and require respect. Verbal and Physical abuse is never ok from either party. 

We must demand respect from our partners. We demand it from each other. It should not be any different to demand it from the person that loves us. If you are going through a situation where you feel like there is no way out please know that there is help. You have support. You will make it.  Your children will thrive without the toxic energy. But most importantly you can succeed. Love yourself first!

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